SOREN

Painting by Chelin Sanjuan

Soren, my love,

it is not easy to endure being alone

without the understanding of others

as I undergo so many metamorphoses,

feeling exiled and comfortably anxious.

Yesterday I tried to be pleased with the liberties

I have without demanding those I don’t have:

I thought about the opportunity of being here

although I haven’t made friends but I learnt

with you to face who I am for I have never managed

successfully with everyone. You told me to turn

inward and discover the universe within me.

It was hard to believe but I tried to obey.

My existential uncertainties are a blessed restlessness:

They have guided me in times of complete alienation.

So many things are mere abstractions and money itself

has no value even in this world of disposable feelings.

I am aware that what I am feeling right now

is anxiety or maybe angst. My consciousness of finitiness

and transience is pure despair.

Soren, my love

I have been extracting force from the clouds,

trying to apprehend the absolute,

I die daily. We all die daily.

But you, Soren,

you never died

for your ideas leap for joy

within me.

Karla Bardanza

Copyright©Karla Bardanza 2011