Painting by Alissa Monks

It scares me shitless
what I feel when I feel nothing.
I look for things inside to justify
this void like someone who is
comfortable among the thorns.

Pain in me is permanent.
Lick my scars if you can
between those intervals
we never have together.

Desire consumes me
and it is all you remind me of
even when you hold your crucifix
in your holy hands.

Some nights I am sleepless,
thinking about what sin is.
Your conception of right and wrong
defeats me. I still don’t know whether
you are a saint or an actor.
I am not in a hurry to search for
answers. Questions have always
intrigued me more.

I imagine I can love.
I was raised to believe in love,
in things which don't mean much
when I dive in my dark.

I was sedated. My feelings are deadened
as they ought to be after my truth had
been unknotted.
(my truth.
What is your truth?)
These days I have stood before the mirror,
repeating I am a human being until I believe it
but I can’t obey myself. I am limited.
Maybe I am asleep in this poor adventure
of living, loving. Maybe I am not listening.

Karla Bardanza

Copyright©Karla Bardanza 2011

1 comment:

  1. Intriguing Karla! Brilliantly done, you have one suspended each line! EXALT! tc