Stream of Consciousness

Painting by Angela Fraleigh

If i could leave this bitter coffee

for tomorrow or maybe those overdue bills

my heart refuses to pay, something

unexpected might happen like a letter

from your God or a new translation movement.

But my ecliptic circle lost the axis and some

areas of my life receives more radiation

than others, burning plans, promises, passions.

Your hemispheres are farther from my sun

and the latest equinox was shy.

i feel my skin rippling over my body every Monday

when i get up at 5 am to go to work in a textureless

dimension, absolutely frozen inside as the sun

crawls to the kitchen.

If we could rehearse forgiveness, life…life would

be Zen.

But i see my own past looking at me

and you say “no” for the tenth time:

death always triumphs over my coffee in the morning.

Things have no name

and i am between the shores of pain

and love, carrying nothing but anguish

and it is a burden too heavy for a woman

like me who still believes in poetry.

i shall adorn my wounds with some more dreams

as i cry over my spilt coffee, expecting what

can’t be expected, feeling the absolute in exile.

If we could rehearse again…if we could…

Maybe i could take a seat in paradise.

But what’s paradise when hell is all

you have ever known?

Karla Bardanza

Copyright©Karla Bardanza 2012