my pulsion of life
I guess my pleasure principle
was in a trash.

Death drive
spoke louder
and punched me repeatedly
in the eye
as self-immolation shouted at me:
I could not love myself
with so many numbers and concepts
in front of me.

Nothing minimized my anguish,
my state of inertia.
Neither my Ego nor my Id
could understand me.
Oh! This sense of uneasiness is inherent in civilized life

I watched my aims and plans running away
as I was searching
for some relief in unrelieved things.
I didn't know where life was,
only death.

Today I am a little better:
I took two tablespoons of poetry
and an injection of Sophia de Mello Breyner*
in my vein.
I am doped though:
first I thought I was a poet,
then a mermaid.
In the end I realized
I am a spider suffering from amnesia
and without a web.

Freud explains.

Karla Bardanza

*Sophia de Mello Breyner Andresen (November 6, 1919 - July 2, 2004) was an award-winning Portuguese poet and writer.
She is one of my favourite poets.

Copyright©Karla Bardanza 2011


  1. What a great description of getting ones fix! Loved this. Blessings

  2. Beautiful flower!